Hello lovelies! You may notice that I sometimes take rather long breaks from writing, and I apologize. Life has been running at full speed since this summer began, and in the middle of the commotion, I lost my access to the medication I need for a decent chunk of time. I take Prozac daily for anxiety, and without it I slipped quickly into a low depression with daily panic attacks. I spent almost two weeks curled up on my couch, barely managing to care for myself and forcing myself to care for my boys. My doctor that I love left his practice unexpectedly and transferred to another location. When he left, I couldn’t renew my prescription without seeing the new doctor, at which point the new guy told me that he can’t prescribe it to me because I needed to get it from a psychiatrist. Since I couldn’t afford a trip to a psychiatrist, I was left to run out and deal while I looked for a solution. Eventually, I found one with another clinic that understood my need of it and was happy to comply. However, those two weeks in the middle made a huge dent in my life that I feel like I am still catching up from.
Soon after that, my love and I took our vacation and of course I didn’t spend any time working then! During our vacation, our best friends had their bachelor/bachelorette parties (that we missed… that story will be posted separately) and then their beautiful wedding. I have a few posts to write about that happened during our vacation, and I can’t wait to share them with you!
Finally, yesterday I attended a funeral for a woman that was very dear to my mother and her entire family and this caused me to think about my own funeral and goals for life. This woman led such a wonderful life and touched so many people. Elfie was a child in Germany during WWII and then she cared for children in Europe. Later, a man asked her to move to America to live with him and his wife and care for their six children. She stayed with them until the children were grown and then she cared for their children. She remained a close, loving member of my mother’s large family and she cared for as many of their children as she could. She never married, and never had children of her own… and yet she had more family and more love than anyone. I still remember visiting her with my mom and the love and joy she had for my mother was always glowing, as it was with every child she raised. She never failed to have something fun to do and always had treats around. She was a lovely woman and I am blessed to have met her and to have even brushed up against the warmth and loving care that she showered over our family tree.
This made me think about what I wanted for my own life. I want to live a life as full of love and happiness as she did. I want to be remembered for resilience in the hard times and glowing happiness in the good times. I want to touch as many lives as she did in beautiful ways. If my funeral can be even half as beautiful and as joyous a celebration of life as her was, then I can pass knowing that I have done my job in this form.
I want the universe to touch my heart and soul and find them shriveled up and dry and when it says “Poor child, have you never known love?”, I want to be able to reply with “I have known so much love, and I spent my life giving it all to those that still need it.”
Elfie, I didn’t know you well, but I did know you and you are an inspiration to me in the best way to live and the loveliest way to pass. The people you surrounded yourself with felt your love so deeply and we know that because of your actions, that love will be able to travel and grow far beyond our family. You are missed but we find comfort in your presence in our memories.
Have a beautiful day,